Samantha's Soliloquies

Bent and Broken: A summary of Jonah

2009-06-28T12:37:00.004-05:00

"Maybe we've been living with our eye's half open, maybe we're bent and broken.
We were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?"

Such bent and broken people we are!

We go around living like we are so wonderful, like we have it made, like we deserve goodness, like we are worthy...

but the reality is that we are NOT wonderful, we do not have it made, we DO NOT deserve goodness and we ARE NOT worthy of anything good!

We are sinful people, deserving eternal separation from God.
Period, end of story!

Well, actually that is just the beginning of the story.

I was faced with the harsh reality of who we really are by way of the all too familiar story of a man who didn't want to do what God told him and got swallowed by a fish.

For the past four weeks we have been going through the book of Jonah.

Stop right there, now let's think about what we know about Jonah.

Every kid in Sunday School has heard of the great miracle story of Jonah. He was swallowed by a great fish and then spit back up on land! We might not know anything else but we would probably all claim to "know" the story of Jonah.

Even kids who haven't been in church to hear the story are familiar with the whale in Pinocchio.

Well, it seems that the childhood story of Jonah was far from complete. Somewhere between the stretch of the imagination and the pictures of a man being swallowed by a great fished I missed the WHOLE POINT OF THE STORY!

Jonah is just a huge mirror reflecting the majority of Christians today.

This story is so full of depth and conviction it is incredible! How is it that I have missed this for so long?

Let me go back to the beginning of the book and try to summarize just what all it can show us.

Jonah was told, very clearly by God, to go to Nineveh.

Now Nineveh was a bad city, full of wicked people who hated Israelites (which Jonah happened to be). So not the idea vacation spot or ministry destination.

But God called Jonah there regardless!

The loving God of grace and mercy wanted the people to know who He was and repent!

So did Jonah obey the Lord and step out in faith, believing that even though that sounded like the WORST idea ever, God would provide?

If he'd done that then we wouldn't get the picture we all know so well of that great fish...
No, Jonah decided to make his own plans.

He decided to say, "Ha, sorry God, I've got a better idea," and hopped on the first boat out of Joppa headed in the opposite direction.

He was going to Tarshish.

Now Tarshish we understand was a wonderful place, far off, exotic, exciting, glamorous, beautiful, and oh so comfortable!
Hmm... Nineveh or Tarshish...

Jonah sails out with a bunch of mariners thinking he had it made, leaving the awful thought of Nineveh behind, dreaming (literally- he was asleep in the boat) of the luxurious life ahead in Tarshish.
Pause
So at this point of the story, does any of this sound familiar? Is the reflection in the mirror looking familiar yet? Well, keep looking...
Not far out a storm hits... not just any storm... a beast of a storm!
In this storm, we are reminded that God is in complete control.
This storm, as in all storms of life, require a response...

1.) Fear

2.) Taking control- "We can do it"

3.) Careless indifference; passivity; denial and flight

4.) Faith in God
We see Jonah as the passive one, sleeping in the bottom of the boat. The mariners respond with fear.
Then we see an interesting thing happen. In the midst of the responses of fear and denial, there is a hurling of cargo into the sea. They were getting rid of all the unimportant junk that was weighing them down.
If you've seen the new movie Up, this is a great example of what was happening and that we often think that our stuff is so important to us, that it is going to get us through, like it will lead us to a happier better place, but really they just weigh us down!
So the mariners are seeing what is important, that being their lives alone!
They wake Jonah up, tyring to figure out who he was and why this horrible lot was upon them.
Get this, Jonah's response is, "I am a Hebrew, and I fear the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land."

Wait, hold up! Did he just say he feared the Lord?!? Really Jonah? Do you really fear the Lord?

It seems to me like you have become comfortable in your sin and don't really care about the Lord. Interesting...
So the men were even more afraid now and were like, "Dude, what were you thinking?"
They try to figure out what to do because they know that their boat is not going to withstand the storm much longer.
Jonah tells them to throw him overboard. Wow, that is the first time we see him stand up and own up to the responsibility. He knows that it is because of him that this storm is upon them and he knows that if he gets off the boat it will stop. His understanding of who the Lord finally comes out.

They didn't immediately throw him over, surprisingly. They tried to continue on but it was no use. They began to cry out to God, which is a big change from the beginning when they were all crying out to their own gods.
So Jonah gets hurled into the sea and a miraculous thing happens... "the sea ceased from its raging."

Then we see how the Lord uses Jonah's sin to bring about salvation. The mariners feared God exceedingly, realizing that He was the one true God. Salvation belongs to the Lord!

At this point in the story, we might be thinking, wow Jonah, you really deserve whatever bad thing happens to you because you did not obey.

Well, as you may recall, this is the point when God appoints a big fish to come swallow him up. But despite how much we want to think that part of the story is punishment, it is actually not at all!

God has remained in control and at this point rescues Jonah from death!

Oh how merciful and gracious God is!!
The grace that He gives Jonah may not be comfortable... 3 days and 3 nights in the belly of a big fish, but it is undeniably God's grace.
Pause
Are you still looking into the mirror that has been placed in front of you to analyze your own situation? Is the picture clear yet?
We go through uncomfortable grace sometimes!

God closes us in so that all we think about is Him. It is in the confinement, the limitation, the uncomfortable grace that we get a right view of God.
One of the biggest things about this one verse of the story is that it reminds us how quickly we forget the message behind God's methods.

I started off saying how all I could really remember about this story was Jonah being swallowed and spit back out on dry land!

Yea, I got the method of how God worked but I completely missed the message behind it!
This is convicting! The method has no meaning whatsoever without the message!
Back to Jonah...
He was just swallowed, and now, ah now we get to where I started this blog by saying we are bent and broken people!

I get that idea from Jonah. Thank you Jonah for showing me the reality of what I am like sometimes.
In Jonah 2:1-9 we get his prayer from in the fish.
Now you would think that this would be the point were Jonah admits he was wrong for disobeying, repents of his sin, asks for forgiveness and praises the Lord for saving him from death!

But is that what he does? Ha, not hardly!
Jonah shows us what it means to have synthetic spirituality.

He says some words and makes it sound sort of nice, sprinkling a little of the Psalms in there, but the heart of his prayer is downright wicked!

It is lacking humility, repentance, acknowledgement of who God is!!

He even plays the shift the blame game, pointing out others sins to make himself and his own sin seem better.
Wow!
This is the point where I was completely blown away at the story, even more than I had already been.
Just think about it!
Jonah, a prophet of God, oblivious to his own sin, trying to gloss over the situation by praying empty words that seem spiritual.

He does not like the uncomfortable grace God has him in and he wants out!
That mirror I've been looking into has become way too clear!
How often do I act like Jonah?

How often do I sprinkle a little Jesus on things to make them look better, when my heart is no where near right?
1 Sam. 15:22 points out that it is better to obey than to sacrifice

Micah 6:5-6 also reminds us of what the Lord desires for our hearts to be like.
We are so mistaken to think that we, YOU and I, broken, messed up people, have anything to offer God!
But God is for His own glory and He pours his love on us in mercy and grace so that we can glorify Him and make much of Him!
Wow, this whole story up to this point has rocked my world!
There is so much truth that I have missed and overlooked in this one man's life. I need to learn from Jonah! I need to hear the message of how gracious our God is over how cool His methods of working are.
Bent and broken people we are, in the midst of a lost and dying world...
but we have HOPE! We have JOY from a Savior who, despite our sin and our selfishness, took the punishment for us, willingly, lovingly, undeservedly!
That is a message that we should NEVER forget! It is not about the method of a cross... it is about the act of a God who is so much bigger than ourselves and who loves us infinitely more than we could ever reciprocate, and we grow more and more in debt to grace every day, but that is exactly how He wants us to be!
Grace, grace, God's grace!!!
So yes, we were meant to live for so much more... for God and not ourselves!

There are only two paths...

2009-06-21T22:45:00.004-05:00

It has been a whirlwind of a week!

I was so wonderfully encouraged last weekend by the visit of one of my best friends, Ms. Anna Wadsworth. She drove all the way to see me, through all the obstacles- the 300 mile distance, my unclear directions, her ADD and the lack of Diamond Shamrock gas stations in the route from my house to CS!
She taught me how to make an awesome garden casserole, as well as some tasty baked sandwiches! WHOOP! I'm getting domesticated!
My future husband is going to appreciate it :D hehehe

Last week was week one of our VBS, which we call Summer Camp. We have our Summer Camp at the local Boys and Girls Club, only a few blocks away from the church. This is our 4th year to have Summer Camp at the BGC. It is truly amazing to see how the Lord has worked through this non-traditional way of doing VBS.

***A special insight, when I did this Children's Ministry Internship for the first time 4 years ago, this particular idea, taking the message of the Gospel out into the community, ministering to kids outside the walls of the church, changed my life forever! It honestly made such a HUGE impact on me that I have never been the same since. After that summer I knew that I wanted to minister to kids, out in the community, and be a light into the lives of kids who live in a lot of darkness. The next semester of college I changed my major to Sociology, without ever having taken a class or really even knowing anything about what I was getting into, after much prayer of course. I took the giant leap of faith into something I could not deny my passion for. Kids and Jesus... And that was only the beginning. It was a semester later that the Lord brought me Living Hope, and about a year after that He brought me the Children's Ministry at Living Hope. Both of which He used to DRASTICALLY change my life!!! And just think... all stemming from a strange idea to have VBS out in the community rather than inside the church... how compelling!
WOW! I had forgotten about all that until I just wrote it... I had almost forgotten how I got to where I am today. Thank you Lord for reminding me of how faithful you are. You are so amazing and you do truly equip the called!

So back to my recap:

This year it was decided to have two weeks of camp, one for 1st -3rd and the other 4th-6th.

Week 1 of Summer Camp was really great!

The theme is Soles for Jesus and that we only have two paths to walk on.
The path of SIN, which we are all born on, or the path of TRUSTING IN JESUS, which we choose to walk on by believing in the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The numbers were just right to where leaders were able to really connect with the kids more deeply. It allowed for genuine conversations about the truths presented. It was extremely gospel centered! There is not a lot of frill or hype about a special decor, it is basically just an amazing message presented in an extremely practical and engaging way.
There were several kids who admitted that they had never heard truth like what they heard that week. They had never heard about who Jesus really was or about sin.

Just think, even in a small town of about 10,000, maybe a few 1000 more if you include the surrounding area, there are still people who have not heard the gospel!!!
For being a christian dominated area, where there are about 25 Christ affiliated churches, there are too many people who haven't heard truth, even if that means a few 1st-3rd graders.

When you think about it, if those kids haven't heard about it, then that means they are not being taught at home. And if they are not being taught at home then their parents must not know. And if the parents do not know, then somewhere within this "christian area" there is a lack of information being exchanged.

That should bring conviction... if it doesn't, either you're too prideful for what you think you're already doing or you just don't get the urgency of the message of Christ.
I know it gave me a chill just thinking about how lazy and self centered that must make me!

On the last night, the families of the kids were able to come and share the Summer Camp experience and hear what their kids had heard and get a glimpse of the message of Christ.
Our prayer is that through this, through the follow-up that will happen after camp, and through us having open arms and open hearts, the people will come to know the Lord in a personal, intimate way.

It was exhausting... four days of work plus four nights of camp until 8:30 makes for some long days.
It was also worth it.
Praise the Lord for his rest and renewal this weekend.

I feel like I am ready to march into another week of Summer Camp and just life in general!

As I do, I have to remember, there are only two paths...

... which one am I going to choose to walk on?

Irresistible Revolution

2009-06-06T00:53:00.004-05:00

In the blink of an eye, in the stretch of the arm, in a drawn out yawn... the day comes to an end.

I can hardly believe it has been a week already! What an amazing week it has been though.

I pause and think...

We are called to live a life worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him. When you meditate on that, it should bring us to our knees in humility because none of us live a life like that! Not one!
I shudder to think of how far from "fully pleasing" my life can be sometimes. But then I am warmed with an overwhelming peace and undeniable comfort when I think of what my Savior did for me to allow me to receive mercy from what i deserve and grace in what I don't deserve.

Colossians 1:9-14 says:
"And so, from this day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 giving thanks to theFather, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son. 14 in who we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Now that is powerful!

I want to be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding.
I want to truly walk in a manner worthy of the Lord that is pleasing to Him.
I want to increase in the knowledge of God.

This week has just been a small glimpse of how living in obedience to the Lord, affects everything for the Lord!

I have been able to share my testimony in so many ways this week!!
My testimony of how the Lord is working in my life right now, how He has changed my life over the past semester and how He alone has brought me to the place I am now. Everything that the Lord has brought me through over the past months is being used in my life right now!
God is truly taking my life and making it his tool.
He ordained the meetings, He arranged the conversations and He alone will bring forth fruit from it in some way or another for the Glory of God!

My job as the intern at FBC Snyder is just a small part of how the Lord is using me. That may be how I am being financially supported while I'm here (beside my loving parents) and where I spend most of my time but it is in no way the extent of my work.

I am rejoicing, literally bursting over with joy, in everything that has already been shown to me in ONE WEEK!

God just wants me here to unapologeticly take a stand for HIM! Just love HIM first! And like verse 11 of Colossians 1 says, "I will be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy," and I get to share in the inheritance of the saints in light! In the presence of the Lord! Away from darkness!
When I think about my purpose in terms of what I have going for me, rather than what I have going against me, here in this seemingly dull town of Snyder, I get PUMPED!

I know that is all a bunch of broad stuff and not a lot of detail, but just understand that the Lord is truly moving in this place. He is moving way beyond my capacity to comprehend and I'm only getting small glimpses of Him. It's the start of an Irresistible Revolution (which is a book by: Shane Claiborne that was recommended to me by a friend, another friend, his friend and a youth minister here in Snyder, which I am starting to read). *although, i'm just going to say, i think Living Hope might be ahead of the curve of this trend, only thanks to our amazing God!!!

Things might be done in a different way than I think or am familiar with and it may happen in different timing, but there is no doubt the Lord's desire is clear: He wants His people to return to Him and be saved from the detestable world.

It doesn't matter if it's here in Snyder, back in Bryan/College Station, down in Houston or on the far side of the Earth, the Lord desires for us to walk in a manner worthy of Him, fully and pleasing, pointing to Him in every way... and if we are striving for anything less than that... we've missed the mark!

Here I Am... Lord Send Me

2009-06-02T22:42:00.002-05:00

Well, that was my prayer and that is exactly what He did.

I start my summer off in a very familiar place...
a place where the wind blows, as well as the dirt, tumble weeds, your hair and anything else that's not cemented in the ground...
where wind mills have become the new "oil boom"...
where the white buffalo is an honored animal...
where flat lands are considered beautiful..
where the nearest Super Walmart is about 40 miles away!

That's right, this summer the Lord has sent me to my home town of Snyder, TX!

But ya know what... i'll let you in on a little secret. I'm actually really excited to be here!

I have to admit that I was looking forward to coming home to do ministry in this town where I see God working and get to spend quality time with two of my favorite people in the world, my mom and dad.

Yesterday was the start of my summer mission at First Baptist Church. I am working with the lovly Traci Hogan (soon to be a new last name :)) in the Children's Ministry as the summer intern.

Traci and I first met three summers ago when we were both interning at the church, her for the youth and me for the children.
Now, with her as the Children's Minister. I get to revisit my familiar church and allow the Lord to once again use me to touch kids lives through this ministry.

This summer is going to be very unique for many reasons.

1... I am a completely new person! The old has gone and the new has come. I have changed so much since those first two summers of college when I worked at FBC Snyder. The Lord has made me a completely new creation and revived within me a life that I never fully knew before! My passion for Him is stronger than ever and my desire to share the good news of my Savior Jesus Christ pushes me in ministry.
2... I am at a completely different place in my life. I am being persued in courtship by an amazing man who loves the Lord with all of his heart, soul, mind and strength! He is such a blessing to me and always encourages me and challenges me in the Lord.
3... I have never wanted to be in two places at once as much as I do now. While I have such a strong desire to be here, doing ministry, using what God has equipped me with and enjoying my parents; I also want so deeply to be back in College Station/Bryan. Not only is there an amazing body of believers there who have helped make me who I am in the Lord, two very special people, who are so dear and close to me are there. Two of my best friends that are so unique in my life and can compare to no one else!
Not to mention the fact that Houston is only about an hour and fifteen minutes away from CS as opposed to seven from Snyder.

All in all, it is only the Lord who has lead me here to Snyder, given me the ability to walk by faith and actually get here and rejoice in all that He has in store and not dwell on all that I am leaving behind.

I know that the Lord's plans are higher than mine. I know He is taking care of me. I know He understands my heart. I also know that it is His glory and not my own that I am made to proclaim.

So, Here I am Lord! You've already sent me, now use me!
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done!

Starting Over

2009-01-25T23:35:00.002-06:00

I am starting over, in more ways than one.

First of all, it's been over six months since my last post so I'm starting over with keeping a blog. It's about time I got back to writing again. I've needed to give a few soliloquies over the past months and haven't, thus I have no way of going back and tracking what was going through my head and how the Lord brought me through it! That is unfortunate! I've missed some opportunities for raw truth and simple entertainment.

So, the first facet of my new start.

Next, I'm starting over in life, basically because that is what has to happen after you graduate from college! Plain and simple, I have to!

As of December 13th,2008, I was no longer a student. That date marked the last day of what seemed like a lifetime of learning to be an adult. 16 years of training, of books, homework, tests and grades to prove myself ready to face the world as a grown up.

Well... I did it. I read the books, I studied, spent way too much on coffee, took the tests and now have the fancy piece of paper that deems me ready for the rest of my life!

WHAT? Is this really happening? Am I really a graduate of Texas A&M University? A former student? An old ag? Am I really done with school? Do I really have to be a grown up?
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a small freak out that has been a long time in coming!

It all ended so quickly. My last semester of college started, i blinked and then bam it was all over. I had walked across the stage, done my little dance and that was it!

I am now faced with this new task of starting over.

It is a fresh new start on a life the Lord has been preparing me for so intentionally for 21 years.
He has brought me this far and He is not leaving me now! He is walking with me every step of this new life.

I am like a bird that has just been released from it's cage. I am free to fly wherever the Lord is telling me to fly. The funny thing is, He isn't telling me to fly anywhere. He is telling me to stay right where I am for a while. He doesn't want me spreading my wings to soar to new places yet. He still has work for me to do here. So, I will be obedient to what the Lord is saying, knowing that His plans are perfect and that some day He will allow me to use my wings and He will want me to go somewhere new.

There is no better place to be than in obedience to the Lord.

"This is the start, of something new, it feels so right, to be here with You ... I feel in my heart, the start of something new" (High School Musical)

"I'm that star up in the sky, I'm that mountain peak up high... hey I made it"

2008-06-11T23:27:00.006-05:00

I climed a mountain today! That's right... a mountain, huge mound of dirt and rock and vegitation and I conquered it! I didnt think i would make it a few times. I was tempted to just sit and rest my tired bones and say I tried but nope, I actually made it up to about 800ft altitude in about 45 minutes. Wow! What a rush it was to actually make it to the top and see the amazing view! What a high... literally!

Stranded in Mexico

2008-06-01T22:03:00.001-05:00

May 29, 2008

Today we left Playa del Carmen. It was a sad day… it is the last time we will see the beautiful Caribbean Sea.
The bus was of course about an hour late so we were behind schedule… no big deal though. So we head out, in route to Chichen-itza. About two hours or so into our trip, we are all pretty much asleep, being lulled by the moving bus, we hear a loud beeping noise coming from the front of the bus. We realize it is coming from the dashboard. It is some sort of alarm telling us that the bus is overheating or that there is some sort of malfunction and we need to stop. So about 15 minutes of driving with the loud annoying beeping sound we stop on the side of the narrow Mexican road to check out the problem. We are stopped for probably about 30 minutes or so and then its “on the road again.”
No less than 30 minutes on the road the delightful beeping noise comes back.
So we eventually stop at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere to check the problem again. This time we were stopped for over an hour. We entertained ourselves by way of games, a short jog to the end of the street and back and anything else we could think of to make the time go by. Luckily the weather was cloudy and pretty cool because it had just rained. It was a perfect day to be stranded at a gas station in the middle of nowhere with only $1 bag of chips that the Mexican gas attendant sold us, that really should have been like $0.25, and water. Haha
After the bus driver worked long and hard on the radiator we head out, yet again. We barely make it to the town we were suppose to stay the night in, Valladolid, before the beeping, yet again, filled our ears. So with our plans already really messed up we just stopped at our hotel and checked in.
This town is a good picture of a Mexican town. There are very few, pretty much none besides us, milling around the streets and staying in the hotel.
The hotel entrance is just a large double door in the side of the building front, just like any other store entrance on the small crowded street. When you enter the hotel you go right into the dinning area of the restaurant. It is all open air, so the heat and humidity just follow you wherever you go. As I said before, it is cloudy so that makes it nice. The décor is what I consider authentic Hispanic décor. Diego Rivera paintings on the wall, fountain in the middle of a courtyard, high arcs, plants everywhere.
I really feel like I’m in Mexico now. But it is a good thing. I like it.
Across from the hotel is a little park. It is beautiful with trees all around and a fountain in the middle. There are vendors lining the sidewalk selling all sorts of Mexican trinkets. I was a tourist today… I bought a Mexican dress from one of the ladies. It is beautiful. The dress part is white with beautiful big colorful flowers embroidered around the top around the collar and around the bottom. The underskirt or slip is hand sewn embroidery and is only white. Many of the women walking the streets are wearing this type of –vestida- dress. I’m so excited about my authentic Mexican moo moo! Haha
We made our way round to a beautiful old Catholic church that was filling with people as it was about to hold mass.
We found lots of Mexican stores, like the ones we learn about in the Spanish books like la Panaderia- bread store, la Zopateria- shoe store, la joyeria- jewelry store, la paleteria y halederia- ice cream store, even a pet store selling baby chicks.
We tried some amazing strawberry sherbet type ice cream.
It was a pretty uneventful day as far as going and doing things but it was still an exciting day!

"Everything's better, down where it's wetter, under the sea"

2008-06-01T21:51:00.004-05:00

May 28, 2008
Talum- Mayan ruins : The first sight seeing excursion of our trip.
Well it was a hot one today! Whew! We walked a little less than a mile to the site of the ruins from where our bus let us off.
We didn’t get to stay very long but while we were there we listened to the guide tell us the history of the Mayan ruins. We learned about the different gods, specifically the main god – the honey bee god, which is an upside down figure representing fertility.
The Mayans built their temples at the top of a cliff to be closer to the gods. We got to look off the cliff into the Caribbean Sea. It was beautiful! The view from on top was amazing. The blue water as far out as you could see and the waves crashing against the cliff on the edges of the little inlet and there were people swimming in the area directly below us.
When we got back from our exciting ruin sightseeing a group of us went snorkeling. That was another exciting adventure. We got on the boat and rode for about 10 minutes along the shore out to a spot on the reef. We were only about 200 ft off the shore. We put our equipment on which was quite an interesting feat. I had never worn flippers before so I was having a really tough time working them. When I got in the water it took me a little while to get use to them as well as the snorkel mask. I had never been snorkeling before so it was all so new to me. Its rather exhausting! It was really neat though just staying on top of the water and being able to see everything in the reef so clearly. We had to be really careful because it was pretty shallow, only about 6 ft, less in some places. We saw all sorts of different fish. Tan fish with black stripes- I named them zebra fish. Fish that looked like the rainbow fish from the book. There were rainbow fish with bright blues and green colors, some with light neutral colors, and others with reds and browns. It was really fun to see them all swimming around in their natural habitat, to be able to swim with them and follow them around. I enjoyed finding schools of fish and trying to follow them. I felt like Ariel from The Little Mermaid as I flipped my fins and swam around. It was great! Several times I saw schools of a certain type of fish, like the zebra fish and then there would be one random pretty rainbow fish that stuck our amongst them. I also saw a Dori fish that looked like Dori from Finding Nemo swimming with a school of zebra fish. The reef was pretty too and all different shapes and heights.

After about 30 minutes of swimming with the fish we made it to the boat which had moved down to the other side of the reef and we ended our underwater adventure. I was pretty exhausted!

We ate a really fancy dinner at one of the restaurants you have to make reservations for. Everyone looked so nice all dressed up. We were learning propper ediqate as we enjoyed our fancy meal. It was really fun. White wine, soup, salad, fish and steamed vegetables and flan for dessert. It was very good and very fun! This country girl is breaking out of her shell more and more every day! haha
It was a fun day full of new and exciting things. I just love getting to do things I dont normally get to do!

Vivo Mexico! And so it begins...

2008-06-01T20:54:00.005-05:00

This summer is going to be one like never before...

5 weeks in another country... Woo hoo!! How exciting is that! Not only do I get to experience something new, learn about a culture first hand, improve my Spanish skills and get credit for doing it... I get to serve the Lord in a whole new place! Did I mention I am excited?! I dont know what the Lord has in store for me down in Cuernavaca, Mexico but I am puttiong my complete trust in Him that He is in control and He is worthy. I cant wait to see how the days unfold and where the Lord calls me to meet Him in his work. I am truly blessed at the opportunity to do this! So... with my bags packed, my passport pages longing to be stamped and my camera ready to capture every moment... voy a Mexico!!

May 25, 2008

We arrived in Cancun today. When we drove up to the resort I had to push my jaw closed because I was in such disbelief at where we were staying. The beautiful Cancun Palace. Never before in my life have I felt so ritzy and luxurious. As we were checking in they had yummy and pretty refreshing drinks already waiting for us at the counter. There were even wet towels to cool us off from the heat outside. I pretty much walked around in shock the whole time we were there. Not really of course but I felt like such a country girl because every time I would find something else that was cool or fancy that I had never seen before I got very excited, and that was a lot!

(i didnt write a lot after this for a while so I will have to go back and fill in the gaps...)

May 27, 2008

Today we went to the Centro Mercado near our resort in Playa del Carmen. We walked about 15 minutes into town. It was really hot. My friend Kelly and I found some really neat shawl/wraps for only $7.00. They are really neat and made of very soft material. They work good as a swimsuit coverup, skirt, dress... it has many uses. We came across a Starbucks which was really exciting! They had free internet access and we took advantage of that for a while. I bought some freshwater pearls from a pearl shop that had all kinds of different pearls. I was so excited! I could have bought them all, but I limited myself to one strand and a pair of earrings to match. They are a pretty grayish blue color.
As we made our way farther in we came across the typical Mexican vendors that stood outside their stores trying to lure you in to buy all their “very pretty things… quality made… you come look!” We made it through without too much difficulty. Surprisingly we saw a live statue as we were going to the shops. He was painted sliver with glitter from head to toe. Bling Bling!! He was definitely blingin. It was really cool and unexpected. I tried to get him to move by saying things to him but he never did. He made a good statue.
At dinner we were serenaded by a Mariachi band. They did a great job. I was glad to finally see a real Mariachi band.

The show of the evening was a professional Mexican dance group. They performed the Baile foclorico. It was amazing! They did so good. Their colorful dress and perfectly in step routines to go with the various songs was quite a show. It makes me want to be one... mostly just because their dresses are so stinkin cool! I want one of those multicolored, multilayered dresses that look so pretty when you twirl them and dance with them. haha

"I, always believed in futures"

2008-02-03T23:02:00.000-06:00

When I started college, graduation was something I couldn't even grasp. Fightin' Aggie Class of 2009 - WHOOP!! That was a long time away and of course I never really thought fully about what would happen after I took my last test, got my final grades, and received that little paper that said Bachelor of Arts in Sociology... It was all way too far off!

I never thought that I would get to the point I am at now, look into my future and be absolutely scared, not knowing what the heck I was going to do next! I especially never considered the idea of graduating a semester early!! Earyl? Why would anyone ever choose to graduate early? Why choose to grow up faster? They must be crazy! Well, I guess I have officially tipped my rocker because I have now become one of those people. Of course nothing is set in stone yet, and it won't be until I actually do... take my last test, get my final grades and receive my diploma... but that is the way my life is starting to point.

So as I have been contemplating this new twist in my life the Lord has so clearly put on my heart, I have started really thinking about those foreign things people older than me talk about sometimes that I just sort of zone out thinking, 'Man, I've got plenty of time before I have to deal with that.'

Things like jobs- those things you sort of have been planning to do the whole time you've been in college and changed your major several times because you couldnt decide which job you would like best...

Those real things that people like my parents have and are essential for other little things like, paying bills, which are essential for having the three absolute essentials in life that everyone knows about- food, clothing and shelter!!

I mean, that is deep! In my young, so close to 21 I can almost taste it, literally, mind I am not to the point where independence is really tangible yet. I thought I had reached that milestone when I came to college... soon to figure out that was just a small bump on the road of dependant-on-my-parents highway! Sure I have to pay some of my own bills and I have a job and my own bank account now, but being grown up, not going to school, having a full time job, not getting to go for days without showering (j/k)... say what?? Hold the phone! Did I fall asleep in class and dream all this up or am I really going to have to be a grown up soon?? HA!

Now my story so far sounds pretty comical, but in reality, the unfolding of events were quite scary! As I started thinking about my future I started having all these questions come to mind:

What about getting married? When is that going to come?

What do I really want to do for a job?

Where will I live, will I stay here, will I move home (HAAA, yeah right!)?

Where is my husband?

What about doing an internship for a while, could I do that?

Am I ready for any of this?

Does God want me to get married?

What about Grad school?

Do I want to go to school 4 more years to study social work and theology?

What about money?

Where is the amazing man the Lord is preparing for me??

So that was sort of a glimps at my freak out. And the same question just happened to keep coming up... hmm... big shocker!

But in the midst of all this, I really was trying to evaluate my life in the Lord and see what would He have me do. What does the Lord really have planned for me? I was trying to read God's mind... where do we get the idea that will work?

I kept thinking about it and trying to come up with the answers or at least eliminate the things I knew couldn't be right.

All the while I was reading the chapter in Her Hands- Wise Women Life Purposefully. In this chapter, Heather points out our main purpose as women, to be man's helpers. So of course as I am reading about this, that little question that won't go away is blaring even louder in my head!

While I am reading, I realize I am missing the big picture! Yes it points out specificly what woman's role is to her husband and family, but it also clearly says that GOD HAS A PLAN!!

Plain and simple, He's got a plan! There is nothing you can do to add to it, change it or mess it up (Priase the Lord!). Why wouldn't I trust him with my future? Do I think he is too weak for the details, as Heather asks? Man, I just need to STOP IT!!

I should be practicing in my life now at this very moment, for my future. I am in training...I should be living to fulfill God's plan for me today, right now! If I am obedient to his word in these things... He of course will show me where I need to be obedient in the big things.

I should be trading my anxiety in for peace, through prayer. I should be putting my TRUST in HIM! I should have FAITH in the Lord's plan for my life and know that in HIS time, he will reveal the next step to me! Obedience is the key!

Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE!

"I, always believed in futures...I hoped for a better November... say hello to good times...I always could count on futures" ~ "Futures" by: Jimmy Eat World

God's Little Miracles

2008-01-17T00:11:00.000-06:00

Tonight I had the privilege of holding the smallest person I have ever held, the youngest, purest, most precious little miracle! It was amazing!

The amazing bundle of joy was Gracyn Lynn Amy! 7.3lb, 19" and oh so beautiful. He belongs to the Amazing Amy's- Wade and Liz, the brother of the smaller Amazing Amy's- Grady and Will. I have had the honor of getting to know this family over the past few months and as I spend more time with them, the Lord continues to bless me and I grow to love them even more! They are truly a God sent and some of the greatest people I have ever met!!

I have never had the opportunity to really be around a pregnant woman before for a long period of time. I have never watched the process of pregnancy or really been a part of it. Sure I have seen my share of movies and T.V. shows and heard many a story but never actually known a pregnant woman close enough to walk with her through the pregnancy. I was pretty much clueless when it came to the reality of having a baby...

I forever will praise the Lord for placing me in the Amy's life at the exact time that He did to be able to experience such an amazing process. God is so big and mighty yet his plans are so intricate and perfect and I am constantly seeing the evidence of this resound through my life! It is breathtaking how AWEsome our God really is!

I only got to be a part of the last few months of the pregnancy but even in those few short months... the Lord has taught me so much. I have such a different perspective now than I did before. So of course, when it gets down to the end and momma is really ready to pop that baby out,I was there, waiting in anticipation with her. We even enjoyed a nice walk around the mall to try and walk the baby out! Haha, I guess it sort of worked because the next day... January 15, 2008, Gracyn arrived into the world at 6:02pm.

So this evening... anxious to see this beautiful creation from our Lord, I make it to the hospital. As I am waiting at the elevator one of the nurses is standing there waiting as well. She asks me where I am going and I say the 3rd floor. She asks who I am going to see, so I tell her The Amy's. Grinning she says, ah you're here to see the Amy's. What a sweet girl! And I agree and we talk for a few minutes about how they are such a great family and that I am very excited to see the new little one. I thought it was so cool how she knew exactly who Liz was and even though she didnt know her well, she could tell what kind of person she was. Even in birth, or i guess- especially in birth, God's light is shinning through us to those around us. We both go our separate ways, she is off to help deliver another baby and I am off to witness my first, as close to birth experience, I've ever had, besides my own birth of course.

I walk into the little room and see a girl- Chelsea at the foot of the hospital bed holding the baby, Liz sitting up in bed fully clothed, looking as beautiful as ever, Megan sitting next to her and Wade standing by the bed. Tears well up in my eyes as I am overwhelmed with the amazing sight, the baby, so quiet and tiny and there was such a sense of peacefulness throughout! I almost felt as if I should be looking onto this scene from a window or something so as to not contaminate it or mess it up with all the hustle and bustle I had just been a part of not 3 minutes ago outside the hospital. But immediately as I sit down on the foot of the bed next to Chelsea and Gracyn I feel calm, and warm, and happy all over! It was like everything else melted away. It didn't matter that I was meeting people at 8, it didn't matter that I had not eaten dinner, all that mattered was this tiny baby lying before me!

Again, God continues to bless me!! I feel so honored to have been able to be a part!
Liz, wonderwoman, who looked as beautiful and happy as ever, her normal self, you would have never known that 24 hours ago she was giving birth!! I pray that when the time comes for me, I will have amazing recovery like her and just bounce right back!!! WOW!
And then Wade, so gentle, so loving, again I had tears well up in my eyes just watching him interact with his newborn son! What a sight!
Then, so nervous and unsure, I was able to hold him! With a little coaching from everyone and some adjustments I got to hold little one day old Gracyn Lynn Amy in my arms and watch him sleep, and flutter his eyelids as he dreamed and scrunch his nose and yawn and purse his lips together... and experience God's creation on a dynamic like never before!
Wow! Amazing! It makes you warm and happy all over, but at the same time it makes me cry because it is just so beautiful! Life is so precious!

We are so blessed! Praise YOU Lord! YOU alone are worthy!

Will You Write Me A Love Song?

2008-01-13T22:30:00.000-06:00

"I'm not going to write you a love song,
cuz you ask for it, cuz you need it,
I'm not gonna write you a love song,
cuz you tell me it's make or break in this
or you're on your way,
I'm not going to write you a love song, today."

That is the chorus to my latest life song
My obsession has taken new form... now in the words of "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles.

The really intriguing thing about the lyrics to this song is that when you really read them and think about them, they have such depth! They are empowering words for a woman... she is standing up for herself. No more letting yet another guy walk all over her, demanding her to do things, or leaving her hurt...

Head under water and you tell me, to breath easy for a while,
but breathing gets harder, even I know that.
Made room for me, but its too soon to see,
If i'm happy in your hands, I'm unusually hard to hold on to.
Blank stares at blank pages, no easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me...

(chorus)

I learned the hard way, that they all say things you want to hear,
My heavy heart says deep down under your twisted words,
your help just hurts. You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry.
Convinced me to please you,made me think I need this too,
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am...

(chorus)

Promise me you'll leave the light on
to help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
cuz I believe there's a way you can love me because I say...

(chorus)
Babe I'll walk the seven seas when I believe there's a reason
for me to write you a love song, today.

Very interesting...
As I ponder these words and search for the meaning, I wonder why someone would write this? What inspired Sara to write this... what happened in her past to where she finally had enough and took a stand?
I can not help but hurt thinking of how easily girls fall under that spell guys cast. They become so attached, so obsessed, so unhealthily involved that they will do just about anything they ask. They are so intertwined and they feed off the attention, whether it is actually good or not becomes irrelevant because as long as it is attention, even for just a fleeting moment, they can feel special.
The truth is, I've been there... maybe not to that extreme, but close enough... I've had those thoughts, I've longed for the attention of guys and I've tried to please... and I've also felt the pain that comes right along with all of that when... the attention span snaps and they are on to something new, when you don't seem good enough, when they have had enough of this game and are on to the next... when you are left wondering?? Left crying... racking your brain for what you could have possibly changed to make it better, going over the situation over and over again, thinking of how to fix it next time... but never, ever getting there. So you move on to someone new thinking maybe this time it will be different. Maybe he really means what he says. Maybe i will be satisfied if I just have him. The games begin, back and forth, maybe even trying new things to make you win a little faster or grab their attention even more, all the while degrading yourself and the very masterpiece God created. The longer it goes on the more you compromise yourself and your morals and the harder the sting in the end. It never fails... thirst for that kind of attention always leaves you even more thirsty than before, never satisfied.

But... ah ha... there is hope! There is a way to stand up and say NO! To stop playing the games, to heal the wounds, to stop new ones from forming, to quench your thirst and to be satisfied...

That, comes in the truly amazing mercy and love of our Heavenly Father!! HE gives you attention when no one else will, HE loves you when it seems like no one else does, HE makes you feel special, HE thinks you are perfect the way you are, HE does not require you to do anything to gain His love because nothing you can do is good enough, HE will quench your thirst and HE will truly satisfy when no one else will and because no one else can. There is nothing you can do to make that go away once you have honestly found it and there is nothing anyone else could offer that would ever be as good as what you find in HIM!

And that... is sort of what this song represents... on a very small, tiny and distorted scale... and that is what I think of when I look deep into the words and see where it moves me. I might have gotten a little carried away... but you got the point I hope.

Don't read my thoughts and be saddened... rejoice with me in who God is! Give HIM the praise!

So bounce your shoulders, sing the words, twirl around and be confident in who you are in HIM!! You are free, God has set you free!!!

Write HIM a love song.... today...

Feliz Nuevo Ano

2008-01-02T17:17:00.003-06:00

3-2-1 Happy New Year!! The ball drops, you kiss (if you're lucky) or hug the special person close to you and go on celebrating yet another year to come. Laughter, cheering, toasting, remenicing... all happening on this one night when we get to watch time roll over, ending one year and bringing in the next.

This year, New Year looked a whole lot different. No big party, no fancy cloths or even any make-up at all, no big dinners, no music, no New Years Eve shows to watch on t.v., not even a t.v. at all... I say all that like it was a bad thing that I didn't have any of that, but really, it was not bad at all. I played games with some of the younger people on our trip who chose to stay up unlike most of the others. We laughed and had fun and at 10:55 Mexico Time, 11:55 Texas time, we played Ring-Around-the-Rosies as quietly as we could so as to not wake everyone sleeping until the clock turned 11, (12 Texas) and we all jumped up and down and hugged and wished each other a Happy New Year! We didn't even stay up to bring in the New Year for the Time Zone we were in. But even though it was a little different than many New Years Eve's in the past, it was still great.

Lament

2007-12-22T01:58:00.000-06:00

Looking out into a room full of people, young, most whom I know, talking, laughing and catching up on old times, I get an overwhelming feeling that I very well might be one of the only people, with the exception of a few, aware of God. Looking, listening, lamenting inside for these people who are fluttering about so aimlessly, or so it seems to me. The whole time I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs God can set you free!!! Free from all the baggage you carry, from the pain you feel, from the emptieness you try to fill with so many other things!
Oh how I wish I could have said something to each person, how I wish I would have ceized that time to just speak of the Lord more... and maybe that was not the time, because in this particular gathering I was more praying for the Lord to shine through and give me the strength the be who I am in HIM and confident in that, which He was my rock and He made me strong when I was so weak! I did not want them to see who I once was, but who I now am! But in that, I became very aware of the change in me and the sameness in them. Not much had changed in them from the last time... I just wish I could give them a taste of the freedom I have found in the Lord!
I realize that a lot of them might see me now as the same person I was in high school... that even though I'm not acting like I had been for a while- after high school, my rebel days, I now have just gone back to being who I was before. But that is not true! While my habits may look the same as they once were, I have been completely renewed on the inside!! I am real, no faking it! No trying to make myself appear "godly", no "i dont do that because i'm not suppose to", NO! I find my satisfaction in the Lord, which makes me just want to have His grace and mercy pour out over me because I know I am filthy and messed up and that nothing I could every do, not even the greatest of all things even comes close to being righteous in the eyes of Christ! Praise the Lord I don't have to strive for perfection because no matter what I will always fail! But I am content with being imperfect and messed up and not having all the answers because I know that despite all that... my Savior has washed me clean and because of that I am able to be accepted by my King! "How refreshing to know You don't need me, How amazing to know that You want me!" ~ Mercy Me... Wow!!
So in all that... my heart aches... I am burdoned... Lord, have mercy on their souls! Lord, enable me to proclaim Your name and make You known! Make me decrease so that you may increase!

My Life... the musical

2007-12-20T02:10:00.000-06:00

What are my favorite movies? Well of course the ones with love and real men fighting for the women they love... The Sound of Music, White Christmas, The Notebook... or anything with singing and dancing, Dreamgirls, Mary Poppins, Hairspray...

The more important question is...What are my favorite songs? Well that just depends on the mood, but definitely music that is moving! It has to do something to me, get me good. A lot of music that hits you deep is about love... go figure...it just happens to be the reoccuring theme here...

I am sort of a creature of habit; once I find something I like, I have to have it! And a lot of it! So if I find a song that I like, I play it over and over and over until I know every word and part and am singing it all day long and getting other people to sing it, even if they dont want to! The songs change when a new one comes along... but it always follows the same pattern. I call those songs "My life songs" because they seem to define my life at that time... maybe not actually, but since my life is a musical, those songs are the music playing in my life, so they are "My Life Songs".

"I Want A Love That Will Last" from the Princess Diaries 2 (i dont even know who sings it) was my song for a long time. I discovered it somehow and absolutely LOVED it!!! I just couldn't get enought of it!

I want a little, something more,
don't want the middle, or the one before,
I dont desire a complicated past.
I want a love that will last.
Say that you love me, say I'm the one,
dont kiss and hug me and then try to run,
I dont do drama, my tears dont fall fast.
I want a love that will last.
I don't want just a memory, give me forever,
dont even think about saying goodbye,
I just want one love to be enough,
and remain in my heart till I die.
So call me romantic, well I guess that's so.
There's something more you ought to know,
I'll never leave you, so dont even ask.
I want a love that will last, forever.
I want a love that will last.

And of course there was "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
cuz every time I see you bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place.

It starts in my toes, makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes, I always know,
You make me smile,
Please stay for a while now,
Just take your time,
Wherever you go.

and on and on... (we all know the words I'm sure... thank you radio!)

Those are just two that really stand out in a long list of them. These two were ones that I probably spent the most times listening to. The play count for these are 34 and 41... hmm... a sign of obsession? maybe compulsion? I dare say so...

When time goes on and I go back and listen to "My Life Songs" it brings me back to that time in my life. It is like replaying the movie of my life in my mind as the words play. It isn't always specific, sometimes it is just a general time span of time, but other times it is an exact event that happened that I get to recal from my life! I love it! I love making my life a musical...

Some day I want to make a slide show of pictures with my life songs and play my life in fastforward! How cool would that be! Knowing me, I can see that never happening, but it is a cool thing to think about. Maybe I could add that to my list of life goals. Actually make my life a musical!

What would life be like without music?? I dare not dream of such a place...

Thank you Lord for music... and my life!

The Sacred Romance

2007-12-20T00:29:00.002-06:00

I was listening to the first part of the sermon series The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge. It is really good, I enjoyed it... I have read Wild at Heart, and part of Captivating which is by his wife. Pretty good books, good thoughts. This is my take on the sermon and sort of the highlights from it.

The heart is central... it is far more than feelings... it is the seed of the soul, the core of your being, the truest you... it is the wellspring of life within us. To lose heart is to lose everything!

God gave us a heart so we can live!

If the Lord doesn't take your breath away, something else will.

Our heart's longing is important! It is what drives us... Our thirst, our desires drive us.

Christian women are tired, and christian men are bored... that is the picture in today's churches.

I'm not Martha Stewart, and I dont want to marry Mr. Rogers...

The gospel is not a way to reform society, it is an invitation to LIFE! Life to the fullest, abundantly, overflowing with it!! The gospel is about our thirst... quenching our thirst!

Yes, our heart is wicked, we have to guard it! But the Lord gives us a new heart! We have a new, good heart! That is what the new covenant is.

Where are all the men?

2007-12-12T03:20:00.000-06:00

Yes, that's right, I said where are all the men? I don't understand how I can live in a town and go to a school full of so many people, so many males and find so few men!! I mean sure I look around me and I see lots of Y chromosomes strutting aroung, thinking they are men, but really, really?? You have got to be kidding me! Is that it! That is what a man is suppose to be!?

Not that I am looking for a man around me everywhere I go, well i mean, it's possible, I am a girl... but really. There are a few places I will admit to really looking for men and that is in the church. I'm not talking I go to church to scope out the males to see which one I think is the cutest or would look best next to me on the alter, no not at all, shame on me if I did.

I mean where are the men in the church who are not afraid to stand up and be a man? Who have the courage to do what is right, to stand up for the Lord, for their faith, for good women! Those guys who will genuinely tell you that you are a good woman and support you in where you stand as a woman of the Lord. I mean, yes, I understand that is the role of the husband and that should come with marriage. But what about being a man of the Lord just for the sake of the Lord and to encourage your Christian sister? We are told as women to support, encourage and affirm our husbands/fathers, or our brothers in Christ. So why can't the men do the same?? If I am a single girl waiting for the Lord to send me my husband, it makes it awfully hard to be pacient when all the other girls (notice I said girls... not women, that is on purpose, I'm not talking age either) are getting attention! Not that I am starving for attention, I'm not! I know my God loves me and thinks I am wonderful! He satisfies me, PRAISE THE LORD! But why is it that the men of the church don't seem to see that? Is it too much to ask to be encouraged and affirmed in where we stand in the Lord too?

It really shocks me when the encouragement I do get comes from those guys who do not have it all together with the Lord. Not that you have to have it all together with the Lord, no no no, hello, I wouldnt be saying this if that were the case! But it is the ones that seem to have a lot more going on than being devoted to the Lord, of course I could be wrong, what do I know, I'm just a silly girl/woman...
But the point is, they respect me enough to appreciate who I am in Him and vocalize it! I mean, in my mind, that takes a real man, to stand up and say, "There are not a lot of real women out there and you are one of those few." To be told that you are something very special and to never let a man treat me any less!

YES!! That is exactly what the Lord says about me! Thank you! Thank you for confirming it and recognizing it!

The men of the church should take note (not that any of them blog/read blogs or not like I have more than 1 reader- yay Karen)... support your sisters in Christ!
I can say some pretty crazy things and I will admit, I am a pretty silly girl a lot of the time... but deep down I am a woman of the Lord and by golly I think that is important!!

I don't want to sound too harsh or like I am trying to degrade all the men of the church, that is not my goal at all!! I am simply being honest... this is an area that needs some work in my opinion!

"The King is enthralled by your beauty" Psalm 45:11
"You are altogether beautiful my darling, there is no flaw in you" Song of Solomon 4:7
" I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14
"And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:4

Let's start at the very beginning

2007-12-10T23:19:00.000-06:00

Well, believe it or not, I actually brought myself to creating a blog! I feel like I have accomplished something great! Quite silly if you think about it, a silly littl blog, written by a silly little girl! I'm not quite sure if anyone will every read it, beside Karen, whom I expect to read because she is sort of the reason for me doing this... Way to go Karen! But, I guess that is why I named it a soliloquy... its sort of more for me! And I just really like that word, it makes me sound so educated! A dialogue with myself... but written down in neat organized form so that I can go back and look at the silly things I was thinking and laugh at my silly little self! Quite exciting I guess! Now I have an excuse to talk to myself! YAY!

Well... it starts in my soul, and I lose all control! Wherever, wherever, wherever, it goes, I'll always know... that it makes me smile, even just for a while! ~Bubbly by: Colbie Caillat

It's not too late for a soliloquy... and its not too late for dignity... and it's never too late for apologies! ~Apologies by: Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

It's just the right time for Samantha's Soliloquies!!