Lament

Looking out into a room full of people, young, most whom I know, talking, laughing and catching up on old times, I get an overwhelming feeling that I very well might be one of the only people, with the exception of a few, aware of God. Looking, listening, lamenting inside for these people who are fluttering about so aimlessly, or so it seems to me. The whole time I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs God can set you free!!! Free from all the baggage you carry, from the pain you feel, from the emptieness you try to fill with so many other things!
Oh how I wish I could have said something to each person, how I wish I would have ceized that time to just speak of the Lord more... and maybe that was not the time, because in this particular gathering I was more praying for the Lord to shine through and give me the strength the be who I am in HIM and confident in that, which He was my rock and He made me strong when I was so weak! I did not want them to see who I once was, but who I now am! But in that, I became very aware of the change in me and the sameness in them. Not much had changed in them from the last time... I just wish I could give them a taste of the freedom I have found in the Lord!
I realize that a lot of them might see me now as the same person I was in high school... that even though I'm not acting like I had been for a while- after high school, my rebel days, I now have just gone back to being who I was before. But that is not true! While my habits may look the same as they once were, I have been completely renewed on the inside!! I am real, no faking it! No trying to make myself appear "godly", no "i dont do that because i'm not suppose to", NO! I find my satisfaction in the Lord, which makes me just want to have His grace and mercy pour out over me because I know I am filthy and messed up and that nothing I could every do, not even the greatest of all things even comes close to being righteous in the eyes of Christ! Praise the Lord I don't have to strive for perfection because no matter what I will always fail! But I am content with being imperfect and messed up and not having all the answers because I know that despite all that... my Savior has washed me clean and because of that I am able to be accepted by my King! "How refreshing to know You don't need me, How amazing to know that You want me!" ~ Mercy Me... Wow!!
So in all that... my heart aches... I am burdoned... Lord, have mercy on their souls! Lord, enable me to proclaim Your name and make You known! Make me decrease so that you may increase!